Served Cold
by Lily Turtle
Summary: Revenge, betrayal, lust... Life doesn't end with Bella's change. It begins with it, but happily ever after is just an illusion. What if Bella had to fall in love with Edward? All. Over. Again - Rose Thorns sequel.
1. Preface

_A/N: Alright, people. This is just a teensy weensy little taste of the sequel, to wet your appetites. First chapter COULD be out earlier than December. Maybe. Depends on Ms. Muse's schedule. I'm really having trouble tying down my inspiration to one project at the moment, including my own originals. But, Bon appetite!_

_**Preface**_

Immortality.

Forever.

The Spanish came to the New World searching for it, seeking the Fountain of Youth. It is the prize of all worshipers of the major religions. Alchemists wasted their lives attempting to solve it. Middle-aged women buy little white tubes of chemicals to preserve their skin in its pursuit.

And all because of a simple little fear of death, instilled into us as babies and nurtured through horror films and fire-escape plans, until we fruitlessly strive in all the wrong ways to avoid its clutches.

What the Spanish and the gods and the alchemists didn't know however, was that infinity wasn't all it was cracked up to be.


	2. Crucifixion

_Served Cold - Chapter One_

**Disclaimer: **So we meet again…

**Dazzle.me.darling: lol. Yes, you've been unobservent. I said it a bagillion years ago scrub! Jk. I said it like a week ago, so you didn't miss much. And about cliffies... (smirks evilly) you have no idea.**

**Midnight989: Can't? Better than won't. I don't know how you'd solve that problem. **

**Shinyvolvoowner1918: You...reread it? WOW. I'm flattered. That's impressive too, considering it's halfahundred chappies long. My ego is now properly inflated. Ooo... O look, there it goes. It floated awayyyyyyyyy...**

**Twilighter09: Well, I changed my mind. Or my mind changed itself. Hold on a second. Isn't my mind essentially me? If with 'me' I am referring to solely my personality, and then the phrase 'i changed my mind' would actually be 'my mind changed itself'. ... Why yes I am seeking professional help.**

**Silly Ella: Yes, I know. It burned down quite a bit for me. I thought I'd never get it back actually, then one day, when I was alone, and helpless – whaBOOM it hit me like a freight train, eerily chanting 'I'm baaaccckkk'. Truthfully, I had myself convinced to give up fanfiction. I've spent the last two months of my insomniatic sleepless nights writing my own book to add to the pile of unfinished countless others. But, anyway, super glad I held your attention!**

**Thefuturemrsedwardcullen: I missed you too! Even though I don't know you. And this is the, as Al Gore would say, the internetss. And I probably will never meet you in real life... So I guess it's quite a compliment for both of us that we miss each other. But, I'm back! Hoo rah! Miss begone.**

**Dawnismyenemy: Aw, dawny, may I call you dawny? Haha, jk. I love you too. Sort of. Kind of. Or I'm sure I would if I knew you at all. You seem like a capital fellow! (British Invasion!) Chyeah bella's pov. It's easier to write from.**

**Appirates: Wow, your review in and of itself was great considering the preface was only 100 words long. Well, anyway, thanks, and enjoy the show!**

**Maddy: I'm pretty sure what I'm going to do hasn't really been delved into too deeply yet. **

**Sparkling Topaz Eyes: I gave into your plea, actually. You're all just so gosh darned convincing!**

**The Volvo: lol. Yummm. Rainbow trout. Chicken of the... stream. Or something. You know what else is yummy? The sugary gold I spin my stories from. Why else would I waste the nights I should be sleeping writing, setting myself up for an early death and diabetes. Dur. Haha. I did what you requested. Call me Genie. But now my fingers hurt. D: Your fault, girl. Haha. Stratosphere maybe? I don't know. I know you fly kites in the troposphere... Stupid oxygen. It's overrated.**

**Vi: Why thank you, madame.**

**La saboteuse: haha. I DO wish I'd have heard it, being an ardent fan of funny noises and all. Alas for the miles of computer cables seperating us. It's okay though. I'll just record myself when I found out that I met the Jonas Brothers and play it back. Ah, joe... Stupid Taylor Swift. Anyway! Where was I? Ah yes. THe trailer. Was. Magnifique! Like that new perfume, the one with Anne Hathaway in the commercial. Cheese and crackers! What is it with me and the celebrity references today? Anyway, thanks.**

**Tail writer: Muses are fickle things. I'm considering super glue. Oooo... I hate when I have writer's block. But chinchillas and radioactive peanut butter has a world of possibilities. I'm sure you'll think of something. Maybe your muse is just on a snack break or something.**

_A/N: If it looks like I'm taking my writing to a whole new ballpark and depth, good. That's the point. If it looks like this story is going to be mostly drama with the daily necessary dose of humor because I can't help myself, good. That's the point. If it looks like this story will pack a punch, good. That's the point. If it looks like I'm going to try and write a kickass sequel for your fanfiction pleasure, well then, good. That's the point. Now presenting, a full three months a head of schedule, Served Cold._

* * *

**Crucifixion**

God, it hurt.

Everything.

Everything was burning.

My hands clenched as I thought that spears were riddling my body, as I thought that my blood was boiling, as I thought that my flesh was being peeled away from ivory bone.

But I couldn't be sure.

I called out a word. Any word. Any sound. Anything.

Trying to make this pain leave, trying to get it out of me, I screamed to no relief.

The fire was merciless.

Something cold was touching me. Oh, the iciness felt so _good_ against my melting skin.

My name? I could answer the question now. Isabella Marie Cullen.

And Edward, my loving husband was the prize, my reward for three days of hell - the white light. I must remember that.

His face swam through my dizzying memory, clear, then blurry, like a camera that couldn't quite manage to focus on it subject.

Bronze hair framed a strong face, marble skin stretching across set cheekbones, dipping down to cover a small, finger-tipped size valley above his full upper lip, and then sloping upward to coat the peak of an aristocratic nose. And the eyes… so unique. Gemstones. They were to die for.

_To die for._

Dear God, the pain of mortal death. I wouldn't beg or plead for it to end as long as Edward's frigid contact persisted. I would do him that small favor, but I couldn't capture the screams before they left my mouth, so I did scream, and loudly, whenever I forgot to remind myself to think. Temporary numbness was found in disappearing into my thoughts.

Rainy days. I remembered the way they had repulsed me, how I used to look out my window, up at the cloudy sky and sigh for grieving the desert sunshine.

Then I met him.

My universe lurched.

Boundaries were redrawn. Assumptions were reevaluated. Life was magnificent. Love wasn't only something to be read about in books.

And rainy days were longed for.

Clouds were blessed.

Gray was suddenly beautiful.

Sun was good only in the respect that it enhanced Edward's beauty. Soon, I knew, it would enhance me, too. If only there was an easier way to get there.

"It's okay, Bella. One day left. You're almost there." Then, "Sorry… so sorry."

That voice was my anchor, keeping me from begging and pleading.

"Keep talking," I tried to say, but the letters tumbled out as ragged, desperate cries. "Please."

_Speak again bright angel._

My eyes fluttered open, only to see what I'd seen in my memories – a tilting world, where nothing was quite tangible or imaginary at the same time. It was like being in a dream.

I screamed as the pain wracked my body.

No, not a dream. A nightmare.

I tipped my head to the side, recognizing the frigid sensation on my shoulder. As expected, Edward's head lay there.

Looking at him, the inferno flickered down a bit, like turning a knob a kerosene lamp. It wasn't vanished though, not by a long shot, just at a less intense level. It wasn't absolutely consuming my senses.

So, I could see and _process_ Edward's heaving shoulders as he sobbed into my hair. I could hear and _process_ his mumbled apologies.

"Don't…" I tried, panting, reaching up a hand to tangle it through his hair. "Don't be sad."

He lifted his head finally, looking at me, but the expression was so alien. The sorrow in his black, hungry eyes was ancient in its sorrow, and the fear etched there was unfathomable. His lips were parted mid-'sorry'. "Forgive me."

"Forgive… yourself," I huffed breathlessly.

Cold fingers pulled a stray lock off of my sweating forehead. I reached up a shaking hand to hold his there, feeling the moisture on my face that used to be warm, but now turned ice cold.

"This helps," I managed.

It did, but only for a little bit. Soon the pain shifted somewhere new, where I wasn't used to its agony. It was my spine.

Like a fiery snake, I could feel it slither in, around, and gradually up my vertebrae, consuming them one by one. I held in the shouts for one moment.

Before I broke.

Of its own will, my back arched off the bed, bending, stretching, trying to shake off the enemy.

God. Dear God. Death would be better, far more merciful.

Edward.

Who was he?

I yelled again, that name this time.

"I'm here."

My back violently arched higher than it had before, curved to its limit. Something violently shoved it back down. When my spine straightened, it cracked.

It should have hurt, but was dwarfed by the transformation.

"Forgive me."

His voice again. Edward's, whoever he was.

The flames were done with my spine now, moving down and up diagonally in four directions to my limbs. Fists clenched. Feet curled. I pawed at the sheets –may as well have been needles – with my fingers and toes. Elbows and shoulders, knees and ankles – they twitched violently, dislocating and then relocating again. I heard the snaps.

"Stop!"

I yelled. I wasn't supposed to I thought, but I couldn't remember why anymore.

"Stop it!"

"Forgive me." A hitched voice, distant and faraway, barely discernible.

Lights. Flashes. A glass bulb above me.

Screams – the macabre background music.

My eyes closed into what used to be a mental escape hatch. Now, it was empty. I could only dredge up fading images, as though all my previous life experiences were negatives left out in the sunlight too long, turning pastel, then lighter and lighter until they were altogether blank.

I tried to catch some of these, but they peeled away in flecks like snowflakes.

A bit of carpet my mother had sampled when she remodeled the house in Phoenix, but I couldn't remember her face. Then I saw a license plate – _State of Washington_. Brief swirls of cacti, then autumn leaves, then pine cones. A face bordered in spiking streetlamp light, shadowed and dark because of its intensity.

I yelled again. My bones were being compressed by some force.

Surely they were splintering and puncturing my flesh.

My eyes shot wide open. "Please! Mercy!".

When they closed, again all I saw was churning chaos.

A meadow thick with wildflowers. One flame, flickering, flickering, darkness.

"Forgive me."

Who? Why?

"Oh, God… save her. Help her, please. I beseech you."

Beautiful music. Sorrowful music. A dirge.

Piano keys floated through the darkness of my mind, one at a time, slowly, then faster. I saw snapshots of a motorcycle and a blurred silver car. Sheet music. Sweet lullabies. And a box tied with a crimson ribbon.

The hottest part of the flame gave reprieve do my limbs and digits, moving to engulf what was left of my upper torso, and then, _oh dear God_.

All the broken remnants of memories in my head disappeared, swallowed up by a white so intense, I had to open my eyes to escape. Still, it lingered on the edges of my vision.

I felt my hands reach up to my head, pulling, tugging. It hurt!

No, hurt was an understatement. There was no word for this excruciation.

It was as if the little lobes and parts of my brain were exploding one by one.

"Bella, stop!" the voice commanded of me. "You're hurting yourself!"

Hurting myself? Nothing I could do could be as bad as this.

Cold wrapped around my wrists and pulled them away, but I snatched them back and squeezed my temples. It gave shallow relief.

"Dammit!" The voice was infuriated. Once again, vices grabbed my hands and tugged them away. This time, they were held securely against something. I sat up, following my captor, until I felt my head being pressed into a freezing wall. I stayed there.

So cold to my sizzling body.

My eyes closed. White was receding, melting back into familiar darkness.

And so the montage of fragmented puzzle pieces continued. Landscape rippled out in front of me, rolling out and shaking like a rug. For the second it stood still, and I could make out a winding ribbon of river meandering through a gray-green smudge. A house with a red roof was below me – a spot of desert in a giant oasis. Or maybe the desert oasis in the rest of the wet land.

Then, the rug was swept away, replaced by various objects. There was a jacket, a note, and a ring. There was a bed. There was wet grass beneath my feet.

"Nearly there."

My stomach was twisting and tying itself into knots. Breaths rose and hitched. I pressed myself into the softening iciness.

"I'm here."

I saw a door, ornate with carvings. I saw a battle, an army, a fallen soldier. Suddenly, a moving scene was painted, but it was as if the artist didn't care. Brush strokes were sloppy, but I could still make out the images. I was flying, dodging trees, and in front of me was a figure. He was laughing. I wanted to laugh, too.

But I opened my mouth, and all that was emitted were shouts and pleas.

"So sorry."

I could hear my frantic heart beat. Its pounding reverberated through my skull. Quicker now it raced. Too fast. Much too fast. Until it stopped. I lowered my lashes.

A paper face.

Nothing.

Darkness.

**XXX**

Lids timidly lifted over eyes new to this sort of sight. The first thing they focused on was another pair of eyes, ochre and wild with concern. Bronze hair was in disarray. Lips pursed. He was gorgeous.

"Who are you?"


	3. Author's Note SORRYSORRYSORRY

_A/N: I seem to have this problem. I cannot for the life of me stick to one project at the moment. I did make a plan though. (God is laughing at me) But here it is anyways, the calendar:_

_Month of November: Work on new Labyrinth (sorry Twilight fans) fic. Inspiration struck and, well… It really is inescapable. Very nearly finish it._

_Month of December: Served Cold. I PROMISE if I have to glue my fingers to a keyboard. I have an outline tucked away in the old noggin. (God is rofling. Seriously.)_

_2009 (January through May): I've set about this goal for myself to finish EVERY SINGLE fanfic I've ever started. (God is out of breath at this point). This includes Possession and Possessed, Rio de Janeiro, Served Cold, Domino, and even No More Bears (I used to have it posted on my site, then took it down to tweak it. It's a story about the Cullens in the far future… pretty nifty)._

_It's not only with the fanfics, it's with every aspect of my life. I'm trying to tye up loose ends and all before I leave. Consider May my fanfiction graduation. _

_Sure I'll be back to dabble, but I probably won't start a new long fic. New chapter of my life starting, and all that jazz. (Don't worry Kerrsica! Ily)_

_And by December of 2009, I plan to (Okay, can someone help the poor man?) finish my own book and begin looking for a publisher. _

_The End. _

_Lol. I didn't mean to go all 'agenda' and 'im leaving and never coming back' on you there. But I guess I kind of did. And this is the longest author's note in the history of authorsnotedom. _

_And that is a very big dom, my friends. Gigantic. _

_So, all in all, this looks to be a busy year._

_And all I have to say is, it's a good thing I suffer from insomnia, and SORRY there is no chapter right now. I wish I could like… telepathically send to you all what I'm too lazy to write down._


	4. Closer

**Disclaimer: ***looks out from a newspaper with holes punched in it as the disclaimer police patrol the area* "nope," they say. "She's not here." *smirks mischieviously*

**NOTICE/ATTENCION: Reviewer shoutouts will resume shortly. However, if all who reviewed would look in their inboxes, I have sent you reviewer replies! :D *grins and thinks maybe if she smiles wide they won't kill her* :D Not as good I know. Kind of like giving gift cards for birthday presents, but I PROMISE they will be out soon. It's just, I'm trying to get my ducks in a row. That's what's taken this chapter so long. Right now, they're sort of in a zigzaggy pattern. Oh, and, to my SPLENDIFEROUS beta thefuturemrsedwardcullen, I'm sending the next chapter pronto. So, be on the lookout! LOVE YOU ALL!**

_Chapter Two - Closer_

"Carlisle!" the angel hovering above me roared. I cringed, but only barely.

I saw movement out of the corner of my eye, and my vision honed in on it perfectly without having to rotate at all. It was as if my sight range had been expanded, my peripheral sharp and toned as if I was looking straight ahead. I was viewing everything in panorama.

I remembered not having this just a short while ago. Why was still a mystery.

The blonde man approached the bronze one (strange hair color…), step by cautious step.

"What's wrong with her," demanded the latter. "Why can't she remember. She should remember!"

I could tell he was a hop, skip, and a jump away from full-on mental breakdown.

Of course, who was I to talk? I wasn't even quite sure where I was at.

The subject of his tirade looked exhausted and surprised. "I don't know…" he stumbled. "Maybe…."

He didn't have to finish the sentence. The boy's face lifted slightly in desperate hope. "You think?"

"Well, we have no way to tell how much damage was done at the morgue, so… it's possible."

"Then you believe she'll get better."

The older man's eyes flitted toward me. "I can't make any guarantees," he said. "You know that."

Suddenly, a girl, as pale-skinned and immaculate as her companions skipped up beside him, huffing and giving me a glare of… was that impatience?

"Why didn't you see this, Alice?" he growled at her. It was ferocious. Disturbing.

…relatable?

A name suddenly jumped to the forefront of my mind.

"Where's Edward," I asked. "He's important."

The bronze-haired boy tipped his head toward me, but I speculated it was him before he affirmed the appelation. "I'm here," he assured. Then his expressions clouded, and he turned back towards the one called Alice. "You see! Or didn't, at that," he fumed.

"Come here," I told him softly.

He continued his stare showdown with the dark-haired girl. "In a second."

I sat straighter, and had the covers whipped off my body in a blink. "No. Now," I insisted.

And before I knew it, he was there, right beside me where I wanted him. I flinched from the sudden proximity. Something hung in the air between us, great invisible cables. It was as if I had pulled him to my side. In a reaction as involuntary as breathing once was, my mind released its grip.

I chanced a glance at his alabaster face.

It was shell-shocked.

"How…" he stammered, "How did you do that?"

My own countenance mirrored his.

"I did that?"

He nodded, ridiculously slowly, as if afraid he'd spook me.

The one called Carlisle stepped forward. "Fascinating…" he mused. "Wonder why…"

Edward cut him off in a tone that could slice through diamond. "So that nobody can ever leave her."

He appeared hollow, drained, crestfallen.

Edward looked as if he had just been informed that everyone he knew and loved in the world had been executed under a guillotine, and he was ordered to watch. These thoughts, and others like them, bulleted through my head faster than lightning. I insirted synonyms, and expanded upon the thought untilk I could picture it with absolute focus and tint. The colors were real as any I'd ever seen.

Edward was standing in a sqare with the expression he wore now, watching as one-by-one, an endless parade of nameless, faceless souls met their end under the glinting blade. Heads rolled. Blood poured. Still he looked on.

The crystal clearness of the picture, and the fraction of a second with which it had appeared, were frightening. And I wanted nothing more than to make him smile.

At the very least, erase that haunted look from his eye.

I coughed, and an unpleasant sensation took center stage in my throat. It was itchy. I was half-tempted to reach my hand down my esophagus to scratch it.

"She up?" cried a booming voice, and into the room bounded a burly figure. "Finally! Holy jeeze Bella, I haven't been able to watch the game you've been yelling so loudly."

"Emmett!" grated Edward. "Enough. She doesn't remember."

Emmett's face fell. "Anything?"

Edward's head shook somberly.

"That sucks."

Edward rolled his eyes. Emmett approached me and clapped me on the back.

"Me Emmett," he said. "You Bella."

"I know _my _name," I snapped.

"Somebody changed on the wrong side of the bed," he mumbled. When he caught my eye, he looked surprised I'd caught that.

"Change?" I was different then before I guessed. I just… felt it.

Edward grabbed his arm and jerked him backwards, towards the door. "Out."

"Touchy, touchy."

He stayed but a moment, staring at me with intense topaz eyes, before turning on his heels and following in Emmett's footsteps.

"Wait!" cried Alice.

He ignored her. I tried whatever I had done before, willing him to come back to me in my head. I had just found and clutched the cables when he turned and gave me a stare that simply begged me not to, and much as I wanted, I couldn't. I let him go, despite a better instinct that flinched at the thought.

"Just give me a minute," he said to Alice, before leaving.

The scratchy unpleasantness in my throat intensified then, into a slow, but steady burn. The blood in my vision of Edward and the guillotine looked strangely appetizing.

Instinctually, I knew this was what I needed.

Carlisle sighed, before looking at Alice. "She's thirsty."

_a/n: First off, these chapters have titles that do not involve the word 'actually'. Hallelujah. Broke the habit. Secondly, sorry its short. It's been sort of a hectic week, what with breaking a toe. Also, I haven't finished my fic 'Domino' yet, so I am going to have to alternate between the two for a while. I'll try to get three chapters out a week, for the two. Sometimes two a week for Served Cold, and one for Domino. And vice versa. Or maybe you'll get lucky and I'll pump out three! *clamps hands over cheeks* lol. Also, about Bella's power. I, personally, like it a lot. And it's been marinatin' in my head ever since New Moon. Carlisle said that powers originated from a person's talent before they were a vampire. But what about fears? And so her special talent was born. Whoa… this is long. Sorry. I'm back though, as promised. And I thank you for the overwhelming amount of support I've received so far._


	5. Funeral Marches to the Grave

**Disclaimer: Please try again.**

_Chapter 3 – Funeral Marches to the Grave_

_Art is long and time is fleeting_

_And our hearts, though stout and brave,_

_Still like muffled drums are beating_

_Funeral marches to the grave._

_-_From Henry Wadsworth Longfellow's _**A Psalm of Life**_

Cold sunlight spritzed in from the dormer window, skipped across the hardwood, and landed on my skin to play across its blinding surface in a dazzling Technicolor spectrum. Senses honed in on the colors, not the mere seven shades of your everyday rainbow, but an infinitesimal compilation of a million varying hues, arranged in nature's order. They rippled when I twisted my hand, before settling still once more.

Light was actually struggling to keep up with my flicking movement.

I turned my gaze out the window and saw a bird flying by.

What an instinctual hunch told me that my old eyes would perceive as a flicker and a flutter of wings, these new eyes could dissect and analyze.

I could distinctly see the boundaries of each feather, more succinct than the borders of large countries on a map. They were gray, but tinted with a slick navy sheen. Obsidian eyes, set into the sides of his face, looked out about him with glassy ignorance. I heard the whoosh of his wake and a tantalizing _thump, thump – _fast.

A heart, I realized, one that pumped delicious, warm life through the bird.

My hunger, that was nearly forgotten in the flood of detail, suddenly returned to my throat with a vengeance.

A hand lightly brushed my shoulder. "Bella..."

"Alice."

There was an unwarranted edge to my voice.

A dim phantom of pixies and shopping malls flashed through my brain, before another swallow flew by and with its thumping heartbeat, erased all traces of civility.

Instinct consumed me in a tidal wave, a burning desire more powerful than anything I had ever known swept through the depths of my soul, filling it to the brim with a primal bloodlust.

Meek doubts attempted to step in the way of this onslaught, but they were a few men facing an army.

I could've killed my own family.

Blood wasn't thicker than water, but it sure was tastier.

I heard a crash, and then what sounded like wind chime pieces tinkling, before realizing that my need had taken control of my legs and sentenced by body to hurl itself out the window.

Glancing down, I felt that the ground wasn't approaching my feet fast enough.

Gravity wasn't nearly as strong as I wanted it to be, couldn't hold a candle to my strength. Nothing else could either, in fact.

I was powerful and majestic, an immortal goddess who dangled the world from a string hung between iridescent fingers. I was powerful, raw with a fresh ardor for existence. I could drain the sea, draw up continents, touch the sky and fling flecks of crumpled star around like pebbles through the night.

I was vicious.

I was grand

I was... narcissistic.

I was running, much much more swiftly than the wind rocketing through my eardrums.

Glancing over my shoulder I could see a wake of air streaming out behind me, twining coils of wind I was making. It sent the forest shuddering. Whenever it touched the trees they would tremble, leaves blown back white recoiling in fear.

But there was no reason for their terror. There was no thumping in the trees.

I was hunting smaller, richer game

_Thump, thump._

Thought and time ceased to exist. The universe unraveled, slowed and dimmed, revolving around this spotlighted elk and its beating heart.

All else was meaningless.

And the smell. _God_ the smell! It was sumptuous and inviting. Caught in its web, I felt more fly than spider.

I couldn't control my feet or my thought process.

Crouching... gaining... advancing.

Closer, closer now.

Peeking through the brambles, I saw a large brown elk, a scruffy mane hung round her neck. Beside her stood her calf, very young. His forelegs stuck out to either side as he bended over to gnaw on the shoots of grass, just a tiny blip of innocence and compassion in all the chaos of the woods.

This calf struck... something odd inside me, but I brushed the feeling away.

I stayed still just a second longer, only until the mother raised her head and perked her ears to attention, and then I leaped. I flew in one graceful arch, slicing effortlessly through the air, landing just in front of the beast.

The steps of the process came easy.

_Crack._

Snap the neck.

_Thump thump thump thump... thump... thump......thump.........thump...._

Sink my teeth into butter soft flesh.

Drink.

The fluid was heavenly, warming my entire body.

Hot chocolate on a cold winter's day.

I didn't know where those words came from, or where exactly lay the meaning behind them, but I felt them to fit the scenario, so I closed my eyes and took long ecstatic gulps.

When I was finished, I stood and wiped my mouth. The world went on.

The calf stood backing away from me, bleating in fury that I would do such a thing to its parent.

"Sorry," I said quickly, although I wasn't really, but the force that had taken over my body was less demanding now and that "something odd" inside me pushed the apology out.

The burning in my throat was diminished, true, but not entirely appeased. I wanted more, and the temptation to kill this calf, too, was nigh overpowering. When I tried to move though, I found I couldn't.

I just... couldn't kill this one.

So I moved on.

Turning around, I saw a figure hunched in the shadow of the trees.

The one I knew as Alice was standing there, her pale features in stark contrast to the dark evergreens. Her eyes were puzzled, and lost in a way, like she had misplaced something precious.

Some distance behind her, a hundred yards or so, Emmett was jogging towards me. He sauntered up smiling.

"Nicely done, sis," he cried, "And you don't look half as dirty as I did on my first hunt." He put up a hand. "Up high?"

I gave him a slow high five. "You're my brother?"

"Well, yeah, ever since you ma..."

"Emmett," Alice hissed.

"Oh right," he said, "yeah, Bella, you sure are." He seemed to be looking everywhere except in my eyes. I tilted my head, trying to catch his gaze. "Sorry," he admitted," the eyes still freak me out a little bit."

He seemed genuine, nothing but true sincerity, but for a brother, he was being very wary.

"Why don't I remember you?" I asked.

"Don't know. I wish you would though." He grinned. "You're hurting my feelings. I thought I was pretty unforgettable."

Alice rolled her eyes.

A bare whimper of a smile touched my lips. These people knew me, that much was certain, and I had known them. It was infuriating that I couldn't remember exactly how.

Emmett called, "Alice, come over here! She won't bite..." then added, "you."

She bit the edge of her lip, before doing as he'd said. I noticed that when she moved, it was fluid, even more so than my leaps and footsteps. Hers seemed to have a flow and a rhythm in time to some music only she could hear.

She was little too, I noted, when she drew close enough to stand in front of me. Short, petite, and sylph-like, with expressive features.

"How are you?" she asked, dark eyes still searching.

"Wishing there were more elk," I said.

She laughed three short bell chime laughs, before saying, "You better take it easy."

"Yeah, turbo," Emmett said, smiling. "You've already ran almost sixteen miles. A few more, and then how about we go home?"

"Home..."

The word tasted funny to me.

"You know," Emmett continued, the place with the walls and the roof and your hus..."

"Emmett!" Alice yelled at him.

I blinked. Their chatter was beginning to fade into blurred clips and phrases. That delicious smell that had so enraptured me wafted to my nose, and the familiar thumping compelled me to sprint away back through the coagulated branches to find the source.

A group of elk, northwest, three from the smell of it. One was bigger than the other, a male.

I didn't waste any time with these, taking only a mere second to end the life of each, and then pouncing on my prey.

Only when they were all three lying on the ground cold and drained did I rise. The need still throbbed through my body, but it was manageable. The entire circulatory capacities of four fully grown elk had helped.

However, no matter how I tried to justify the hunger, the calf's bleating ricocheted through my memory in unadulterated clarity, and presently, a new emotion arose, the first to come anywhere near to challenging the need.

I was disgusted with myself.

Something about this 'life for life' bargain was deeply unsettling. I took off running again, this time with no target in mind but escape from the three carcasses I had made vulture meals. I had devoured all their sweetness and they were beginning to faintly smell revolting.

My hair flung out behind me in a tangled mass. Dried blood and dirt had congealed the locks together, also smudging my skin and clothes.

With the precision of a reaper, I had killed so utterly mercilessly. How had I done that?

Why?

Of course, I had to.

That's what I kept telling myself. It was necessary, part of life, and if I hadn't killed those animals something else would have.

But the calf that I had left alone in the world wouldn't leave my head.

How could I be so full of energy and carnal joy one moment, and so regretful the next?

I was different once I knew. This was proof. That different part of me, human part of me, was scolding and sorrowful. She and the calf were intertwined, screaming at me each.

Emotions were fickle, I realized. It would be easier if I hardened myself to them, to this dual presence in my body who hated me. If I could have reached down in my insides and ripped her out, I would've, but still, some part of her beckoned me to listen. She was here first, after all.

I warred with myself for miles and miles, until I ran right into a thundering rainstorm.

The drops pelted down on me as I flew, making a steady, beating _rshhh_ing sound on the forest canopy.

One part of me was entirely unacceptable of the new being I had become, the other wanted to embrace it as a wild creature of its own.

The human voice expected better of me. It was all full of compassions and feelings. It insisted that I do more, that I stop making everybody worry, that I turn around this instant and go home, which was a concept that it was entirely too willing to accept. Mostly it urged me to open myself up, and was brimming with images of the strange bronze-headed boy called Edward. This was the part I had woken up with, the one that first compelled me to ask about him.

The trees ended suddenly, and I burst out onto an expanse of flatness, a field of grasses that rolled onward forever up to the mountain peak in the distance. I was sopping by now, and the rain was not so loud here, but I could hear the thunder shake the air around me like the bellows of an angry god. And it was here that I found the one thing that could keep up with my speed – the lightning. It split the sky in brilliant branches of burning fire glorious to behold, as wild and as wicked as the second part of my nature.

This contender, equally as convincing as the first, urged me to break all ties with my former self and with 'home'. It was sneering, but containing in its depth an untamed madness that was frightening to wield. But it was electrifying, too, like the lightning. A terrible greatness glowed bright within it, and I saw what I would become if I were to grasp this side. I would be terrifying, true, but powerful beyond measure, savage in my beauty. A Diana, huntress of the wind.

I smirked in spite of myself.

The lightning struck again, this time just feet away. I could feel its heated sizzle graze my impervious flesh. I dodged it barely, exhilarated.

That sort of freedom, entirely liberated from consequence, was devilishly alluring, and the only thing that stopped me from taking hold of it was the annoying human part of my psyche incessantly yelling at me that that course of action was wrong.

Diana would counter that she could not be defined by rules. Right and wrong were futile, laws that she decided.

Then the compassionate voice would say that I couldn't give in. Giving up was cowardly.

I ran faster, pushing my legs to limits not defined in terms of exhaustion, but of actual physical capability. It was physically impossible for them to go any faster. I thought that maybe I could flee the voice that called me a coward, that crying calf and his dead mother.

I couldn't shut my memories off though, no matter how hard I tried. It was like trying to dodge these raindrops. My footsteps slowed.

No longer a blur bulleting through this vast landscape, I became visible and finally, just stopped altogether, meshing with the interminable wilderness. I was alone. One dark sprout on an eternal plane, no longer towering over the world.

I was shrunk down to an ant's size when I considered in my scope the expanse of the universe. A gray sky roared its wrath, still sending down jagged messengers of light all around me – exquisite chaos.

And I realized suddenly that I wasn't the hub of it anymore, I was just a speck swept up in its swirling whirlpool.

Just then, the two sides of me were in perfect agreement, a ceasefire. Without a doubt, it wouldn't last forever, but right then, although I didn't know exactly who I was, I knew _what _I was and was satisfied.

"Bella!"

A voice, velvety smooth, loud as the thunder. It was his voice, Edward's.

I pivoted, calm, and saw him slowly approach me through the haze of rain. His movements were authoritative, stoked with purpose. Topaz eyes seemed stern.

"Bella," he said, no longer needing to shout. "This is much too far. Even Alice and Emmett couldn't catch you."

He saw the blood stains, wet now, and blooming through my blouse. Leaning forward slightly, he took a deep gulp of air, before mild relief passed over his countenance and his shoulders drooped.

"What was that for?" I asked.

"Elk..." he noted.

"You thought I had murdered humans?" It was obvious from his look.

"You're sixty-three miles from the house. God knows what you could have done." He hung his head and shook it. "I'm sorry, Bella, I should have accompanied you, but I was so, so regretful. You looked at me like you didn't know who I was..." He looked me in the eye and frowned. "You still don't know who I am, do you?"

"Edward," I said.

"Yes," he urged, drawing forward to take my hands in his, "But who _am _I? How do you know me? Tell me you remember."

I bit the edge of my lip. "Not entirely." There was another kind of need flowing through my body, a lust that had nothing whatsoever to do with blood.

Water ran down Edward's angular cheek bones in rivulets, snaking around the corners of his full, frowning lips and falling in little cascades from his strong jaw. His eyes were burning gems. Hair tangled over his forehead in a shaggy mess.

Then, both of the beings inside me demanded something of him. "Kiss me."

Edward appeared baffled, whiplashed from this conversation's change of direction. Nevertheless, he slowly leaned forward.

Too slowly for my tastes. I closed the gap and crashed my lips against his with startling ferocity.

In a struggle to remain chaste, he was hesitant in his movements, lightly wrapping his arms around me and barely touching his lips to mine.

"No," I said, pulling back. "Not like that. Hold me tighter. Kiss me like... like you want me. I won't break," I begged. "Kissed me like you've waited you're whole life to do it."

At that, he swept me up in his arms, a vice that pulled tighter and tighter, until I knew he was at the limits of his strength. Being in his arms was riveting. So this is what the human side of me had meant by home.

The next time he pressed his lips to mine, it was earth-shattering. What started out as gentle touches soon progressed to a battle of tongues and of bodies to get closer. I ran my fingers through his tousled hair and he lowered me to the ground. His weight pressed on top of me.

We rolled around in the grass, fighting for control. He won, but only because I let him. Edward's hands enclosed my wrists above my head, my legs wrapped around his.

Then, suddenly, he jumped away, a feverish look in his eyes, two candles burning low against his alabaster face.

"This isn't right, Bella. Not until you know who I am..."

I sat up in a huff, very near whining, but the haunted shadows playing across his demeanor stopped me, and the human Bella took control, running just behind him when he took off sprinting towards 'home'.

**A/N: Alright, so sorry. I was taking a small vacation to become unobsessed with fanfiction, mend some fences, hang out with friends, and work on my own works. In the last one, I learned a lot more about writing. And, if you haven't noticed, I'm trying to make it richer now, choosing more meaningful vocabulary. Symbols, yaddah yaddah. Of course, she thinks with more flow and poetry now, until the hunger hits. Bella compares herself to many different things in this, a goddess, an animal, a fly, with flickering instances of the "old Bella". Can you say Identity Crisis? Sorry if you were disappointed that she is a bit different now. Edward warned her she'd be like this for a while. And I was sorely disappointed Meyer skipped over that hitch for renesmee but whatever. I'm taking her advice and writing my own ending. So, here is my version of newborn amnesiac vampire Bella. You all know how much I enjoy invading the disturbing psyches of my characters...**


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